


Be My Light

by BandGirl33



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ashton is 18, Coming Out, Dom Ashton Irwin, Gay, Genital Piercing, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lashton - Freeform, Luke is 16, M/M, Marijuana, Piercings, Punk Ashton Irwin, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Sub Luke, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, will tag more later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-10-14 08:17:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17504984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BandGirl33/pseuds/BandGirl33
Summary: Ashton, 18, is the town punk with a broken life and Luke is his 16 year old neighbor that resembles an Angel.





	1. I Spy

Ashton was used to the stares of the town locals wherever he went. He was the “punk” “troublemaker” “criminal.” He was viewed negatively because his clothes lacked color and he worn an expression of hardness, life had beaten the 18 year old down and he wasn’t afraid to show it. He raised two siblings while his mom worked enough for two so they would always have food and a place to sleep. Ashton had seen how cruel the world could be, and how beautiful. He’s seen beauty in the bright blue eyes and angelic curls from the 16 year old who lives next door, bright smile and loving family. He’s seen the way life has been unfair to the boy and how the blond angel never seems to let him smile fade. 

 

Luke see’s Ashton too, hazel eyes and sad soul. He would be “The girl next door” if he had boobs and long flowing hair but he was close enough. He was semi-popular and always carried a bright smile. He was the last person who should be spending time worried about the broken boy with a bad rep. He watched Ashtons life fall apart slowly over the years and it broke his heart to see the once bright and athletic boy turn hard and uninvolved in anything that isn’t his brother and sister. Luke’s brothers called him an asshole punk but Luke knew better, he saw the boy struggle. 

 

~~~ 

 

The sun was bright as Luke sat under a tree, school books scattered across the lawn as he studied. He could hear the youngest Irwins kicking a ball back and forth in their own front yard, Ashton perched on their porch with a notepad and pen. Everything happened faster than Luke could register in his mind, his body on the other hand was faster. He looked up just as Lauren kicked the ball into the street causing Harry to run after it. He wasn’t sure how he had heard or seen it in time but the presence of a moving truck barreling down the street jump started his heart and body. Luke’s mind must have shut off because the next thing he knew an “Oh shit” was leaving his mouth and he was laying on the lawn across the street with a 7 year old in his arms. 

 

“Harry! What the hell were you thinking? Oh my god.” Luke was panting as the young boy was being pulled from his body by his older brother. 

 

“Laur kicked the ball too hard and I couldn’t catch it Ashy. I’m sorry.’ 

 

“Just please be careful next time. Grab Lauren and both of you go do your homework inside please.” 

 

“Okay Ashy, love you.” 

 

“Love you too buddy.” Luke’s heart was finally slowing down as the two kids made it into their house, Ashton still looming over his body with an arm outreached to help the blond boy up. 

 

“Thank you. I don’t know how I got so distracted but thank you….” 

 

“No problem dude, I barely looked up in time so I guess we all got Lucky.” He was standing in front of Ashton now, hands still linked together. 

 

“Still, these kids are my life. Thank you.” and with that he was standing alone in someone else's yard. 

 

~~~ 

 

Ashton’s back was against his front door as he tried to slow down his beating heart. He’s watched Luke grow up and into his body over the years. He didn't realize how much he adored the boy until he was grasping his hand and staring into those bright blue eyes. He couldn’t drag Luke into his messy life, that’s for sure. The blond didn’t need that holding him back, he had potential. He’s seen Luke’s musical Talent and his love for music and knew the kid would go far in life. Ashton didn’t want to drag the boy down but, damn, he wanted to be consumed by the blue eyed angel. He was pulled back to reality by the sound of his siblings arguing in the kitchen cursing his to forget about his day dream and calm them down. Luke on the other hand was being cornered the moment he made it back into his house. 

 

“The fuck were you doing with Irwin, I thought we told you to stay away from him?” Jacks voice boomed across the house as he stared his younger brother down. 

 

“Jesus Jack, it wasn’t like that. His brother ran into the road so I grabbed him.” 

 

“Just stay away from him okay, you’ll get hurt if you don’t.” 

 

“He’s not a bad guy Jack, you just don’t like that he doesn’t like you.” 

 

“You don’t know him Luke, he’s a punk with a bad rep and he’s the last person you need to be wrapped up with.” 

 

“You don’t know him either Jack, none of you do. Maybe stop focusing on his clothes and more on how shitty his life has been. He has every right to be an asshole, you don’t.” 

 

With a sigh Luke pushed past his brother and up the staircase to his room. His window face directly into Ashton’s room. He saw the break downs the older boy had and the way he used to use his own body to self-destruct. He knew the boy had two friends that would come over regularly but no one else. He knew Ashton could drum and did so on the weekends. Luke was pulling off his shirt, his body sweaty and in need of a shower when he caught the gleam of Ashton’s door opening across the way. Luke knew they were both gay, he’s caught the sight of Ashton with one of his friends pressed against the door way too often to think anything else. He was going to put on a show for the older boy so put on some music and stripped down to his tight briefs and started dancing around and cleaning. He felt eyes on him the whole time, finally finishing off the show by shedding off his underwear, throwing a wink over his shoulder at the stunned punk, and heading for his bathroom.


	2. Just One Night

Luke wasn’t sure why he did it or even how he managed to con the piercer into doing it for him but he knew he was screwed the moment he made it back home, everyone's cars in the driveway. He must have been earlier than expected because his family was supposed to be gone for the night, choosing to spend the weekend camping. He was panicking now, forcing him to sprint up to his neighbor's door once he spotted only one of the two cars that belonged there. His nocks were quick and persistent until a sleepy looking Ashton yanked the door open, eyes going wide as he took in the sight before him. 

“I did something stupid and I need to hide until my family leaves...” It came out quickly but Ashton was quicker in pulling the boy into the house, spotting the new addition to the boys lip.. 

“Maybe next time wait until after they leave to get a needle shoved through your body babe.” An amused smirk pulled onto Ashton’s face as he looked down at the blushing boy. 

“I didn’t think about it when I got it done, I just wanted to piss them off.” He was looking down now, hiding how much the pet name affected him. 

“I’m not judging, I have my fair share of piercings. Make yourself at home, the kitchen has good lighting if you need to do homework.” 

“Thanks.... Wait, how many piercings do you have?” 

“4” Luke was surprised by that, not seeing anything obvious stick out. 

“What, where?” A chuckle escaped Ashton as he stuck his tongue out to the boy, a silver ball shining in the dim light of the hallway. 

“You said 4, that was only one.” 

“Use your imagination Luke, there’s only so many places I can hide them. I’ll be back down in a bit, I need a shower.” 

Halfway through Ashton’s shower it hit Luke. Either Ashton had dermals in weird places or the last three piercing made a perfect triangle down his body. He knew the moment the older boy made it down his stairs, small silver barbells making his nipples glitter. 

“Oh fuck, I was right.” 

“Right about what?” If the smirk on Ashton’s face was anything to go by he knew the boy had figured it out. 

“Jesus fuck it’s your dick. Lord help me.” Ashton was making his way towards him as he spoke, bodies almost pressed together. 

“Hurt like a bitch to get done but so worth it.” Ashton was leaning down to whisper in Luke’s ear, head shifting slightly like he was going to start kissing down his neck when Luke’s phone started going off causing the boy to pull back as he pulled his phone out. 

“Hey Mom.....yeah I’m fine.......no I was looking for a book for one of my classes.......okay that’s fine, have fun.” When Luke looked up from his phone he noticed Ashton was now perched on the back of his couch watching the blond. 

“Everyone finally leave?” Ashton’s voice was soft, almost scared.

“Yeah, I guess I should head out…”

“Probably a good idea, the last thing you need is all the old neighbor ladies gossiping about you being here.”

“I don't care what they think Ashton, I never have.”

“You should Angel, they're right about me being an asshole.” Ashton looked almost ashamed in his admission.

“I’m an asshole too so that doesn’t mean much Ash.” When the older boy refused to look up, Luke let out a sigh before heading toward the front door.

“Hey Luke…...my family is gone for the weekend and I’m having a party tonight, swing by yeah?” When Luke turned to face the older boy he was still looking at his lap.

“Of course.” Then he was gone.

~~~

Luke could hear the music baring from his neighbors house as he pulled an outfit together. He may be considered popular now but he still loved his punk music and skinny jeans. His hair was growing long and out of control so a beany was thrown onto his head and a black button down graced his chest. He wasn’t sure how to handle the need to be wrapped up in Ashton but he knew this wasn’t it. Ashton had a life and two kids to focus on, he didn’t need some 16 year old with a crush distracting him, he just needed one night with the older boy.

When Luke made it through Ashtons front door he was met with a surprising number of familiar face. He knew the people at his school never really cared who was throwing the party but he figured the mention of Ashton might throw some people off. He made his way towards the kitchen, in need of liquid courage before he went to find Ashton. He managed to find some cheap vodka and fruit juice to get him started on a nice buzz before heading out into the living room, the heavy smell of weed filling up the house. He almost made it to the back door before an arm was slipping around his waist and he was being pulled into a strong chest.

“I'm glad you came Angel.” Ashton’s voice was soft as the tension slipped from Lukes body and he let himself press further into the chest.

“Of course I came Ash, why wouldn’t I?”

“Thought I might have scared you off.” Luke felt Ashton’s hand squeeze his lip while the other held a joint away from Luke’s body. The gesture made him smile because Ashton was taking into consideration that Luke might not want to smell or smoke it.

“Not even close but you could pass the joint your holding so far away.” He felt a laugh rumble through Ashton’s chest before he felt a joint press against his lips and smoke filling his lungs.

“Didn’t take you for a pothead Luke.”

“How else am I supposed to deal with my brothers on a daily basis.”

“Yeah, not be rude but your brother are dicks.”

“Trust me, I know. Jack would kill me if he knew I was here or eve talking to you.”

“I’ll make sure you make it home before the do.”

“Are you asking me to stay the night Irwin?”

“Only if you want to Angel.”

Luke has only had one friend that he’s kept close, one friend that truly knew about his feelings towards the hazel eyed boy pressed against his back. He could feel the lingering stares of his schoolmates as they tried to decipher what was happening in the dim corner of the living room. It didn’t take long for Luke to spot the mass of curly dark hair belonging to his bestfriend as Calum walked through the door. Calum locked eyes with him, taking in the arm across his stomach and the honey colored hair peeking over his shoulder while Ashton chated with some kid next to them, Michael, he thinks was his name.

“Cal!” he yelled over the music, arms motioning the boy forward.

“Hey Lu, see you finally roped bad boy here in.” Luke was leaning forward so Calum could speak into his ear, the music making it hard to hear.

“I think he roped me in actually, I did give him a show the other day through my window though.”

“Jesus christ Hemmings. Who’s his friend though?”

“I think his name is Michael. He’s totally your type though.” with a thought in his head, luke leaned back to whisper into Ashton’s ear.

“Hey Ash, is your friend single and possibly gay?”

“Are you trying to tell me I’m not your type?”

“No but he’s definitely Calum’s type.” The statement and a head nod in his friends direction caused Ashton to peek over Lukes shoulder and at a now blushing brown boy.

“Yes to both and he’s just Mike’s type.”

“Perfect.” He felt Ashton place a soft kiss on his shoulder before lifting the joint back to Luke’s face and start chatting with Michael about Calum.


	3. Wear My Clothes

It didn't take long for Michael to drag Luke's friend off into a deserted corner, lanky body encased by the others while they talked and giggled to each other. Luke was now perched on a barstool, long arms flung over Ashton’s shoulders as he stood between his legs, back to chest. His nose pressed into the honey curls in front of him while fingers ran up and down his thighs. A feeling of contentment filled his body at the subtle possessiveness of Ashton's hands.

“Your hair smells good.” His voice was muffled by the back of Ashton's hair but he knew it was heard.

“That's what happens when you have a little sister, everything smells fruity.”

“Well I like it, and it makes your hair soft.” Ashton shifted in his arm so they were now nose to nose.

“You can use it in the morning if you want to babe.”

“I think I'll take you up on tha…..” he was cut off by a yawn ripping out of his body as he dropped his head onto Ashton's shoulder.

“Go grab some sweats and a hoodie from my closet and go to bed Angel, you don't have to stay up with me.”

“No, you're comfy.”

“I'll tell Mike to shut it down and I'll be right up babe. You're gonna fall asleep sitting here.”

“Fine.” 

 

He leaned up to press a kiss to Ashton's jaw before pushing himself to his feet and toward the stairs. As he walked past Calum he ruffled his hair and flashed him a sleepy smile before heading up to the older boys bedroom. The clothes were easy to find and in no time Luke was cuddled up underneath Ashton's blankets. It didn't take long for Ashton to male his way into the room, finding a sleepy blond angel tucked into his bed.

“You look adorable.” Ashton's voice was barely above a whisper as he looked over the boy.

“I would be more adorable if you would hurry up and get into bed so I can cuddle.”

“I'm coming I'm….” The loud shrill of Luke's phone startled both of them into silence forcing Luke to shove his phone to his face.

“Jesus Mom, its 2 am…..what do you mean your 5 minutes away…….Ben did what…...yeah yeah I'll have ice ready.” 

“Family coming home.” Luke could hear the disappointment in the older boys voice.

“Ben broke his foot but I have to go before I get the shit kicked out of both of us.”

Without a thought he was pulling on his shoes and pressing a wet kiss to Ashton's lips before running down the stairs and out the front door. The blond had just shut the door as his parents car turned the corner onto his street. His heart pounded as he filled a bag with ice and put the kettle on for the tea his mother was no doubt gonna want. He watched his family file into the house as he perched himself up on the counter. He met Jack's gaze before tossing the ice pack to him for their other brother.

“I started the kettle for tea. What even happened?”

“Thank you dear. Your brothers were rough housing on the beach and Ben kicked a rock. I always tell you boys to be careful but no one listens.......and we'll talk about that lip ring in the morning, I dont have energy right now.” His mom's voice sounded tired as she rambled to herself.

“I'm heading back to bed.”

“Night dear.” He was halfway up the staircase when a hand was pressing him into the wall

“I didn't think you would be stupid enough to come home wearing his clothes.”

“What are you talking about Jack, its fucking Calum's.”

“Oh so Calum get all his goodies made with Irwin printed across the back. Where were you when mom called Luke, over there at that party?” His brother didn't wait for an answer before he was stalking back down the stairs and out the front door. 

“Jack stop! Jesus fucking Christ Jack let it go.” He caught Jack in his neighbors front yard, people just starting to leave for the night.

“I'm not just gonna stand around while some punk ass makes my little brother think he's gay!” A majority of the party goers were gathered in front of the house, a mop of honey hair catching Lukes attention for only a split second.

“I'VE ALWAYS BEEN GAY JACK! I'VE KNOWN I WAS GAY SINCE I WAS 10 YOU PRICK!” Luke wanted to cry as everyone went silent. He could hear his parents coming to check out the commotion.

“Luke I….”

“Are you happy now Jack, now everyone knows. HEY EVERYONE, IM FUCKING GAY.”

He took the silence as his que to leave, body turning to the road as he walks away from everyone. Ashton could feel the boys pain as he walked away from the crowd around his house. His heart hurt for Luke and how scared he look.

“Shows over, everyone go home.” The harshness of his voice startled even him, body pushing through the crowd and after the Angel.

“Leave him alone Irwin.” Jacks firm grip on his arm Stopped Ashton in his tracks long enough for him to get a solid punch on the boy, blood instantly gushing from Jack's nose.

“You've lost the right to have any say in his life you fuck, kids kills themself over the shit you just did to him. Get the fuck off my lawn Hemmings.” And he was gone and down the road.

It didn't take him long to find the boy sobbing figure Sat on a curb a block away from their houses. He slid himself behind the boy and pulled his skinny gram on his own lap. Luke's body turned as his hand instantly found their way to his shirt, twisting the fabric into his fists.

“It's going to be okay Angel…”

I wasn't…..that's not how I was supposed to do it Ash how the fuck am I supposed to face everyone after that?”

“You do it with your head held high and no fucks given baby.”

Ashton never got a response just a muffled whimper and soft sobbs until he was holding Luke's scrawny and unconscious body on his lap. He rubbed the boys back in silence for a while before coaxing the boy awake enough to make it back to his empty house and bed. Ashton looked at the boy sadly before he was drawn back downstairs but soft mocking. He was more than surprised when he was met with Luke's mother, a soft but sad smile gracing her lips.


	4. Fighter, Oh Fighter

“He’s asleep in my room if you want me to go get him but I doubt he’ll wanna go home tonight.” Ashton’s voice was tight as he lead the older woman into his Kitchen, mentally thanking michael for clearing out all the empty beer cans and booze bottles.

“No, it’s fine dear. I came here to talk to you. I wanted to apologize for Jack's behavior towards you these last few years. You two used to be such good friends and now he treats you and his own brother horribly.” She held sadness in her eyes as she spoke to the boy in front of her, the boy she watched her youngest fawn over for years.

“He stopped being my friend the day he found out I was gay Mrs. Hemmings, now he’s forced Luke out of the closet. You're not the one who should be saying sorry ma’am.”

“You’re right dear. I don’t know how Jack never caught onto him though, he’s been enamored by you since he was 10 and you moved in.”

“What?”

“Oh yeah, Andy and I have know for years that this was bound to happen. You haven’t been so subtle yourself hun. I should be heading back home though, I have a son I need to yell at and force to find his own place to live. Have a nice night dear and tell your mother to give me a call when she gets home, we haven't done lunch in a while.

“Uuhh, sure thing.”

Ashton was left speechless in his kitchen as he watched Luke’s mother leave, a smirk gracing her lips. There was a sense of relief that washed over him at the thought of Luke not having to live under the same roof as Jack. He was more than surprised to see Luke awake and sitting up with his back against the wall when he made it back to his room. The boy looked tired, both mentally and physically.

“Did he really stop talking to you because you came out?”

“He never really gave me a reason Lu, i just know that after the day I told him he never said a nice word to me again. I hope he grew out of that and is just keeping it up out of pride though.”

“He hates me now, and my mom probably hates me known and my dad.” Ashton could see the panic rising within the boy as he slid into bed next to him, arms pulling Luke's lanky form onto his lap.

“You obviously didn't hear the whole conversation because your parent already knew babe. I guess you've been very obvious about having a crush on me.” The statement brought a smirk to his face as the blond tried to hide the blush working its way down his neck.

“Shut up.”

“No, I think it's cute.”

They sat in silence for a while after that, arms wrapped around each other and Luke hummed a familiar tune. It had been about 20 minutes of silence when they were pulled from their thoughts by yelling outside. The noise and persistent volume increased pulled the boy from the bed to the window where Luke's parents and older brother had moved back out front.

“Im being forced to move because Luke likes dick? Are you fucking kidding me!” Jack's voices floated up to the window, Luke's body going tense at the hateful words.

“I'm not going to let you make his life hell Jack. Your old enough to be out on your own anyways. We didn't raise you to be a cruel human Jack, I dont know how you thought any of this would be okay.”

“so i'm the bad guy for trying to keep my baby brother away from some asshole Punk with a major attitude problem. How am i the only one who sees a problem with that faggot trying to fuck Luke!” 

It wasn't until his bedroom door slammed open did he realise that Luke was racing down the stairs. He could sense the anger radiating off the younger boy as he tried to keep up with the blonds long legs. It was pointless, by the time he made it out into his yard Jack was being tackled into the grass, Lukes long arms flying as he landed punches on his brother.

“You piece of fucking shit! You don't have to like that I'm gay or even that I like Ashton but how fucking dare you act like he's the problem here! YOU WERE HIS FRIEND AND YOU FUCKING BAILED ON HIM WHEN HE NEEDED YOU!” it took all of Ashtons strength to pull the youngers body from atop his brother, successfully pinning the boy under his with some difficulty.

“Luke you need to calm down. Stop fighting me and listen to what I'm saying angel.” He pushed as much authority into his voice as he could while pinning th boy down. 

“Fucking let me up Ashton, I'm not fucking done. LET ME GO!”

“LUKE! Look at me Lu, none of this or what he has to say is worth it. I haven't let him dictate my life and you shouldn't either. You are better than beating him in the street. BE BETTER THAN HIM.”

It took a second or two for the words to sink into Lukes mind. You could see when it did because his body went slack and tears started welling up in his bright blue eyes. Now that the adrenaline fueled anger was gone, the pain of the day was seeping back into the younger boys body. He was gripping Ashton's arms as sobbs ripped through his chests. Ashton looked between the older Hemmings brother and the thin hands gripping him, realizing that there was no way that his knuckles weren't broken.

“Jesus Angel, we need to get you to a doctor. You're hands are a wreck Lu.”

“I don't care.” Luke's voice was coming out in short gasps.

“I do. I need to get you to the ER before your hands swell too much.”

He didn't wait for the boy to respond before he scooped him up off the grass. He registered the sound of liz saying she would grab her son's insurance card before they left. In a matter of minutes the two boys were on the road, lukes card tucked into Ashtons visor while he kept a hard grip on the steering wheel. It to everything in Ashton to reach over and grab the boys hand but he had already snapped at the boy for trying to ball his hands back into fists.


	5. I can and I can't

The sun had come up an hour ago and Ashton was starting to doze off on the waiting room couch. Upon arriving to the hospital, arms wrapped around the blonds skinny frame, he was pulled away from the boy. His wasnt allowed in unless he was family and he was thankful when Liz strode in not long after he made himself comfortable. He watched the worried mother be taken back to her son, that was almost 4 hours ago. The sound of his phone shocked him back into full consciousness, his mothers ringtone blaring through the empty waiting room.

“Hey Mom.”

“Morning dear, we'll be home in a few hours so please try and make sure everything is cleaned up from the weekend.”

“Uh I'm not home but I can see if mike can swing by and make sure its clean.”

“Where are you at?”

“Luke broke his hand last night so I'm at the ER waiting for him to be discharged.”

“Jesus Ashton, what did you do last night to manage that? Wait, Luke Hemmings?”

“I didn't do anything mom, he got into a fight with his brother. Also he might be staying at ours for a night or two. I'll explain the whole ordeal when you get him okay.”

“Alright dear. I'll shoot Liz a text and make sure she's okay with that but i was the full story when I get home.”

“Of course Mom, love you.”

“Love you too sweetie.”

With his mother off the line he sent a quick text to Michael, who he was hoping was awake, asking to please clean up whatever was left at his house and that he was waiting for Luke at the ER. He knew that if Calum was with his friend it wouldn't take long for the brown boy to show up. There were more people trickling into the waiting room now that the sun was up and the day was starting. He was mentally exhausted and all he wanted, needed, was to be able to get into bed and wrap himself around the angel. He must have been zoning out because the feeling of a had on his shoulder made him almost scream.

“They're discharging him now dear. He's got a cast and is pretty hopped up on pain meds to keep an eye on him. He doesn't have to go to school for a couple days but please grab him class work for him.”

“Of course Liz. He needs some sleep so I'll grab it in the morning before he wakes up. Do you want him back home before he goes back to school?”

“The night before will be fine hun, thank you for taking care of him last night.”

“It's no problem, really.”

Their conversation was cut short by a low whine coming from the lanky blond slowly shuffling across the waiting room. Ashton took in the sight of the blond as he made his way over to them. The boys lips were chapped and his right hand and wrist were bound in a cast. He looked sad and tired as he dropped down next to him on the couch, body turning to tuck himself into the older boys side.

“I wanna go to sleep Ash.”

“Let's get you back to my house and into bed Angel. You've had a long night.”

“Thanks for not making me go home Ashy.”

“Of course Lu.”

~~~~~

The boys were back at Ashtons and asleep on the couch for maybe two hours before the younger blond was being poked awake by Ashton's 7 year old brother. The boy was staring at him with pride as he clung to a stuffed penguin and a thing of flowers as Luke slowly blinked awake. 

“Hey buddy.”

“Mom said you might be upset so I got you some pretty flowers and the stuffed animal is to say thanks for not letting that big truck run me over.” he felt Ashton chuckle from his spot behind him, head popping up over Luke's shoulder.

“Let's take those into the kitchen buddy and let Luke wake up a bit before bombing him with gifts.” A kiss was placed on Luke's shoulder before the older boy was maneuvering himself from behind his lanky body, Ashtons hand sliding through Luke's curls as he walked away.

He laid there for another couple minutes taking in the room around him. He could hear the irwin family chatting in the kitchen as he pushed himself to his feet, body cranking as he stretched himself out. It was like the events of the previous night didn't exist in his mind because he still attempted to stretch the fingers in his right hand out, the action causing the boy to yelp in pain and Ashton you peek his head in the room out of worry. With the adrenaline pumping through him he didn’t feel the pain when he broke the small bones in his hands along with a knuckle or two, he didn’t even know he was strong enough to do that.

“Stay there Lu, i'll make you some food so you can take more meds without getting sick.”

Luke nodded to the older boy before dropping back onto the couch with a huff. His body was tense and sore and his mind was all over the place from the night before but he was too exhausted to have any emotion for it. He knew he would have to talk to his mom and dad soon about everything but he did think he could hold it together if he had to face Jack just yet. He couldn’t wrap his mind around how his brother could be so cruel to him or why Ashton even cared. He was a kid with too many emotions and no experience in life, Ashton was the complete opposite. Luke may act like he had all the confidence in the world but he was barely holding onto himself. He needed to go home, leave the older boy and his family alone. Trying to make as little noise as possible he made his way up to ashton’s room, quickly changing into the clothes he had on the night before. He krepy slowly downstair and toward the door, hand barely twisting the knob before a voice came from behind him.

“Planning on leaving without your meds? Or a goodbye?” A flash of hurt made its way onto Ashton’s face before he steeled his expression, a sandwich and pills in his hands.

“I’ve been enough of a problem, thought I would get out of your hair.”

“You aren’t a problem angel…’

“Yes I am. My brother almost tried to fight you because I was an idiot. You don’t need that.” With quick movements he reached for his medication before pulling the front door open, leaving the irwin house as he heard Ashton cussing to himself.

“So what, you think I can’t handle your fucking brother? I’ve been dealing with him for a long time Luke.”

“THAT’S NOT IT! I gave into my feelings for ONE night and i ended up with a broken hand and a brother who hates me now. Not to mention you ended up with a ruined party and no fucking sleep. You don’t deserve to be babysitting a 16 year old who can’t keep his shit together and that's even if you actually want me.”

“Of course I fucking want you, I just….” Ashton didn’t know how to word his inability to dragg Luke into his life fully and the lack of words were dragging tears to the younger boys eyes.

“Exactly Ash…” and with that he was striding towards his own house.


	6. I Want To Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING MY DUDES*****
> 
> I do mention self harm and suicide and some hella reckless behavior.

The feeling of unease was almost instant when Luke walked through the front door, slowly making his way into the kitchen. The clattering of pills reminding him of how much pain he was in, both emotionally and physically. He grabbed a muffin from the counter and a water bottle from the fridge before making his way down the hall to his bedroom. He could hear the muffled sounds of Jack’s video games from across the hall, a small reminder that he wasn't home alone. Luke’s body hurt and he needed a shower so he made quick work of inhaling his muffin and down his water and pain meds, mentally thanking his mom for choosing the waterproof option for his cast. After making it to the bathroom and before stepping into the shower he shot his best friend a text about needing to get a little drunk and high, hoping the boy could give home a temporary release from life.

The shower was quick, all steaming water and harsh scrubbing. He was glad for the text from his mother saying that she had canceled his therapy appointment so that he could “rest.” He started going when his parents came home to find their barely 15 year old son lying on floaty in the pool, all his clothes on, drunk and crying about how he wanted to die. It took them an hour to get him back into the house and into a cold shower. Luke woke the next day to a horrendous sunburn and an equally as bad hangover. He made it halfway to the fridge before his mom was shoving toast in his hand and back up the stairs to get dressed, stating “I'm taking you to talk to someone. Be in the car in 10 minutes.” That was the start to therapy. His therapist new he was gay and about his brothers hatred of the one person he truly liked. She knew about how much he hated how he looked and how he used to sometimes hurt himself. The loud ringing of his phone was what pulled him out of his head, Calums name flashing bright.

“Hey.”

“Yo. I guess Michael had to go do something with Ashton so he left early if you want me to come pick you up early.”

“That would be awesome actually, I need to get out.”

“Alright. I'll be there in ten mate.

He too those ten minutes to get dressed in some sweats and a hoodie before digging around for his wallet. He knew that the moment the boys got high they would both need food. As Calum pulled into his driveway the boy was throwing his wallet and pain meds into a back back and heading down stairs amd out the front door, making brief eye contact with his brother who stood in the kitchen.

“Dude you fucked yourself up.” Was the first words from Calum's mouth when he climbed into the passenger seat.

“Yeah well Jack's nose is broken and he has two black eyes so it was worth it.”

“Also heard you made a big dramatic exit from the Irwin house this morning.”

“I don't want to talk about it Calum.”

“Then just listen. I asked why Ash kept pulling away after he called Mikey okay. Michael basically said that Ashton thinks you don't know that they sell drugs and thinks you would hate him if you knew.”

The heavy silence fell over them as Luke took in the new information. He's known about Ashton's side hustle for a while now. He was just about to turn 15 when Jack had come home fuming about how one of his friends has gotten weed off Ashton, the older boy made sure to tell Luke to “Sat away from that drug dealing punk” multiple times over the next two years. He knew that the hardest thing him ot Michael ever sold was MDMA and that was a rare occurrence. The stupidity of the situation forced a historical laugh from his chest.

“What a fucking idiot, I've known for years.”

“He doesn't know that Lu. He doesn't really know much about who you are. He sees a kid with a happy life and potential. He doesn't know your dirty secrets like you know his.”

“So what? You wants me to just go knock on his door and say ‘Sorry for being a dick, I go to therapy twice a week, take anti depressants, and have tried to kill myself multiple times.’ I doubt he needs that kinda shit in his life. It better off like this.”

Calum didn't push the subject and in less than 20 minutes they were sitting on a secluded part of the beach, pizza and booze in front of them and joint being passed between them. When he had produced the joints from his pocket Calum made sure to inform him that they were “Michaels best weed.” He was a half a joint deep and 5 shots in before he remembered the fact that he also had pain meds in his system. He pushed himself to his feet so that he could wade through the cold water and level himself back out but instantly dropped back into the sand.

“Cal...... I fucked up.”

“Wait how?” The brown boy was out of it too, speech slowed.

“You need to call Ashton.”

“Dude I'm not getting in the middle of…”

“JUST CALL HIM AND TELL HIM I ACCIDENTALLY TOOK MY PAIN MEDS BEFORE WE STARTED DRINKING.”

“Oh shit.”

“Cal, i think I'm gonna pass out.”

“No, Luke stay with m….” He didn't hear anything after that as blackness overtook his vision.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashton was just making into his room again when Michael answered his phone, loud yelling from the other end echoing through the bedroom as the phone was placed on speaker.

“Cal, stop yelling and calm down, I can’t understand what you're asking me.” 

“I can’t calm down. I need you to grab Ashton and come down to the beach. Something is wrong and I’m too fucked up wit drive!”

“What are you talking about Calum? What’s wrong?”

“I guess Luke took his pain meds before I picked him up and we started drinking. I can’t keep him awake Mike.”

“Oh shit.”


End file.
